Why is my each day identical to the next? Why is it that I go through the same motions every single day? Five days of working looking forward to the weekend, the remaining two planning the next five days. The same motions, the same monotony. I'm not bored.But I am wishful. Wanting more out of life, but not knowing what it is that I want. Seeking for something, yet not knowing what it is that I seek.Not loving every moment of my life, yet not knowing what it is that I would love. It's not that I hate the way things are. It's not that I'm always wishful. When I work , I'm obsessed with my work. When I laugh, I think of nothing other than what amuses me. But there are these blanks. These gaps when I start to think. And then I feel sad.
I remember this song called 'Sunscreen' by Baz Luhrmann. . or however his name is spelt. There is this line in the song that goes, ' The most interesting people I've known at forty, still don't know what do with their lives'. I'm a long way from forty,but still.It's no consolation.
That doesn't make you stop wishing that you knew what you wanted from life. I see the musicians who love their music, the writers who can't stop imagining,the actors on stage who love living another role, environmentalists who adore their monkeys, my co-workers who live, breathe their work and I see myself -drifting. Not loving what I do, not hating it either. Sometimes stopping in the middle of the day and thinking. What is it that I'm doing out here? What would I really like to be doing. I listen for an answer to my question.The answer is silence.A deep dark silence.So I stop these these thoughts and continue.Continue in this rut that I am in.
7 comments:
Here is somthing Mark Twain has to say...
“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Blog hopping brought me here! I've experienced similar thoughts n emotions, n often I catch myself thinking "What am I doing here? Is this what i really want?"...for that matter, I often wonder what I should really pray for...n I usually end up with the same answer always...let me just pray for HAPPINESS...the rest will just fall in place :)
Hello, Deepti. I am a feminist university student in California. I'm conducting research on rape & sexual harassment and feminist recommendations for punishing those acts. In one of your posts, you called for castration as the penalty for harassment. I happen to agree. I'd like to ask you a few questions regarding that if you don't mind as part of my research. If you are willing to do so, please email me at michelle_darmand@hotmail.com. Thank you very much. ~Michelle
Option A - Apply for another job. Perhaps even a different type of job.
Option B - Get married. Life will sure be different then, perhaps you will get some fresh perspective.
Option C - Do another degree, in something you know you're interested in. It will open up some career options.
Option D - Accept that a job's a job, and most people don't enjoy their jobs, and go about making the rest of your life better and more enjoyable.
OMFG you're finally back to blogging. I'm so happy, I cant even type out a comment pertaining to the post!
Heh.
You will only feel like this for another 5 years or so. After that you will get used to it :P
well..getting used to it is not the solution. probably involve in charity or help people. this might bring some solace, and im thinking of doing it. what ever u ve written reminds me of my life as well. perhaps u are a step ahead of me.
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